Letter to my younger self

 It's taken quite some time to get to this place.

To a place where I can acknowledge the many facets of myself.

To see the person in the mirror as someone whole.

That the cracks between things have healed.



The long story is long, painstakingly so. Maybe one day I will tell it properly. But the shorter version is:

The only person that can heal you is you.

The only person that is responsible for the way you are, is you.

Even if someone that was supposed to unconditionally love and protect you didn't.

Even if the people that you were born to didn't know how to be parents, you must become your own parent.

You must evolve.

You must heal.

You must move onward.

You must see the person you've been before, you must see your inner child and take care of them. You must acknowledge the things that happened and see how've they've made you weak, or stronger, or frail or unstoppable. You must see the things that you don't want to see. You must look at the ugliness and embrace it and say thank you for it. Because with all things, the most beautiful flowers grow in freshly spread shit.

People often say, "If I could go back in time, I'd tell my younger self this ___". Well, I can tell my younger self, because that person still resides within me. Within my memories and experiences. I can tell my younger self, it's okay to want it all. It's okay to chase impossible dreams, because you so desperately wanted to escape your life in the middle of a cornfield. 

You wanted to see what else lied beyond your midwestern maelstrom. You wanted to see all those places you had read about in Grandpa's deteriorating collection of National Geographic magazines.

 And you have seen it. 

You lived in Washington DC for almost 3 years. You got to see the Austrian Alps. You swam in the reefs of Rotan. You've been to the top of Pike's Peak. You've been a part of the Libertarian Party and met could-have-been presidents. You've been to lectures about CRISPR-CAS9 and you witnessed the naming of the new moons of Jupiter! You have experienced those pages of Nat Geo for yourself. 

You have healed. You have achieved. 

There is so much more to be done. So much more to be seen.

Not because you want to escape something, but because you want to experience and create something more.

It's your turn to write your own story. The little girl that won writing contests and dreamed of being an author, and adventurer,  a world shaker.

That version of us is being built.


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