It seems that I am not out of the woods yet.

I went into the OBGYN for a follow up appointment for the lump in my breast (which is currently benign). While I was there she did a full exam, and felt my neck and discovered a mass there in my thyroid area.

I have already done an ultrasound, which confirms that I have a nodule/goiter in my thyroid area. I now am scheduled for a fine needle aspiration (a type of needle biopsy) on February 9th to determine the course of action forward.

The strange thing is, I am not scared.

I have moments of self-pity, yes. Like, "Damn, I'm only 35. I eat well, I exercise, I don't smoke or drink. WTF?"

But, even the "healthiest" people fall prey to such things. I am not beyond the reach of the death.

And on that topic, I had a pretty interesting experience a few nights ago. I often have dreams about death (I have had MANY over the last 2 years). My most recent dream was that I was in this "other place", something like a room, but not really, with various versions of myself in this in between place. These different versions of me didn't look like me, but they were definitely me. I was trying to figure out if I was dead or not, and was asking each of them if they were dead or alive. None of them seemed to know the answer. And the strange thing was, was that death didn't seem...."real" in this place. It was like the idea of dying wasn't some concrete concept. And the stranger thing was that the different versions of myself were all confused why I was even asking that question at all.


With that said, I know, "What will be, will be," whatever that means. I won't know anything further until February 9th and after. I have dropped out of all of my college classes though, because I don't want to potentially fail a class because of possible health issues. It was a hard decision to make. But its not like I am only 2 classes away from graduation, I still have about 10 courses to take, so pushing things back another 4 months won't make or break my academic aspirations.


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